Cutting corners

Do you cut corners? I’m curious, if, like me, you physically cut corners… and pay for it.
For some reason, I never give myself enough leeway. Worse, I’m always in a hurry, meaning my hands, arms and legs take the brunt of it. Whether it’s rounding a corner too tight, reaching into a cabinet too close to the shelf above, or slamming into a table or chair, whatever is in my path, I can’t seem to widen my scope enough to avoid bumping into things and being in constant bruise mode.
As a kid, I used to cut corners too tight riding my bike. Once, while making a sharp turn, the handlebar came back and hit me just below the rib cage. It knocked me out cold. I came to lying in the middle of the street and remember thinking, "If no one is going to help me, I might as well get up and go home!”
A number of years ago I gave myself a black eye closing a cabinet door. Wouldn’t you know it, shortly thereafter I ran into a high school classmate/friend who looked at me very warily, even after I explained what happened.
Not long ago, I was rounding the corner from our hallway into the dining room and slammed my forearm into the corner of the banister, giving myself a bruise plus a huge bump to go along with it.
You’d think I would learn. But, oh no, this self-abuse haunts me! My latest run-in was with a kitchen stool. While pulling out the recycling/trash drawer, I accidentally dropped the piece of paper I was about to throw away. Bending down to retrieve it, WHAM!!! I slammed my forehead into the top back corner of the kitchen stool next to it. Ouch!!
“Well,” I thought to myself, “at least it didn’t break the skin, but I’m sure I’ll have a bruise.” Ha!! Not only did I get a bruise, now I have a permanent dent in my forehead as a reminder!!!
This corner-cutting thing may be inherited from my mom. She was always in a hurry too, and frequently had the bruises to prove it.
Another reason why I believe it could be an inherited trait is a close call between my late oldest brother, Mel, and my youngest brother, Jerry. Mel took curves wide, whereas Jerry turns tight. The result was a near miss, head-on car crash on a fairly sharp curve on Water St. in Eau Claire. It’s one of those family stories that becomes more hilarious every time it is recounted.
For years I hoped I hadn’t passed this corner-cutting gene on to our boys. However, one of Evan’s famous lines is, “I get hurt every day!” And, he does.
It’s safe to say it’s a good thing I don’t hunt, fish or golf like The Outdoors Guy.
I can picture the news now. “We have a report of a crazy woman who knows nothing about hunting, fishing or golf, yet she tried to do all three the same day. She hooked the rear end of her husband's pants instead of a fish, slammed her golf club into the back of her own head while careening her golf cart into a pond. Then, while hunting, she tried to squeeze between a pair of too-close-together trees and shot herself in the foot.”
It’s no wonder I’m a bit of a recluse. I believe it is my responsibility to protect the public’s safety from myself… a self-proclaimed, corner-cutting train wreck!!!